If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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