So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
