weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
