Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
