that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
