I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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