Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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