Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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