I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize