I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
