Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize