Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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