How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
