My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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