dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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