I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
