i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
