So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
