please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
