ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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