worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
