The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
