I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
