I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
