Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
