you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
