we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
