Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
