I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They are going to name an STD after you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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