masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
