dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
