i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
