You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
