I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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