Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
