just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
