Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
