she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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