I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
