The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
