Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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