i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
