my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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