Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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