wrigley field is MILF paradise
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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