where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
