Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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