standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
