So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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