Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
