And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
