oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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