you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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