I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
