I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
