The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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