i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
