Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
