You're my little dorito
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
