Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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