I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
