I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
