Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
