I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
