i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
