did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
