dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
