Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
