Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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