the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
