You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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