dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
