Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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