then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
