Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
40s are totally the cure
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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