i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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