I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
