Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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