she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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